Humus: Wasteland Artisan

From Arknights Terra Wiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Operator Record
Wasteland Artisan
Humus icon.png

Don't underestimate him. He's an ordinary person, but he's got an extraordinary heart.

Unlock conditions

  • Raise Humus to Elite 2 Level 1.
  • Have at least 50% Trust with Humus.
Female Londinier icon.png
Lanky Inventor
Nobleman A icon.png
RI Operator icon.png
Rhodes Island Engineer
Female Columbian icon.png
Aloof Exhibition Planner
Arrogant Exhibition Guest
Exhibition Staff
Processing Station Prisoner
Skinny Boy
Vicious Soldier
Columbian Lounge
Columbian Room
Wilderness Dusk
Columbia Alley
Humus finds himself shunned because of his past at an exhibition, but he expresses himself in his own way.
<Background 1>
[In the background, a crowd can be heard talking.]
Humus Do I speak into this? Hello? Hello!
Reporter There's no need to smack it, Mr. Humus. We've set it up for you.
Humus Just an old habit from working on my gadgets. Sometimes there's a loose part so you have to smack 'em to get 'em to work.
Reporter Well, you shouldn't have to worry about that here at the exhibition. It's being sponsored by the top tech firms in Trimounts.
Humus Er...
(I can't exactly tell her I was being cheap so I used a bunch of second-hand parts...)
Oh, right... did you have a question?
Reporter Yes, getting back on topic... Your participation here has drawn a lot of attention. Many people are exceptionally... curious, about your experiences and what you've made.
Humus Well, then I should introduce the gadgets I have with me here!
First, this automatic clothes hanger. We've all forgotten about clothes we left out to dry, right? And sometimes they just get dirty again.
So I modified this hanger to fold up your clothes once it senses they're dry enough, and then this device down here tosses 'em into the wardrobe.
Like that!
[The clothes hit a camera.]
<Background 2>
Humus Whoops, it caught your camera? Sorry, let me recalibrate it and try again.
There's a long story behind this hanger. I made it to help the elderly and disabled—
[Humus gets hit by the clothes.]
<Background 1>
Reporter Ahem... the demonstration can wait, Mr. Humus. I have a few other questions for you first.
I noticed you used the word 'modify' to describe your product, rather than 'invent,' like everyone else.
Humus Did I? I said 'modify'?
Reporter Yes, you did. What I wanted to ask is: Did you get permission from the patent holder before modifying it?
Humus Huh? I bought them as a pack at the supermarket for ten bucks.
Reporter Did you now?
Humus I... I...
Reporter I see you didn't even consider that before 'modifying' your product.
Humus I-I guess I didn't...
Reporter Does your background have anything to do with your lack of awareness of intellectual property rights?
Humus W-What does that have to do with anything? They were just ordinary clothes hangers!
Reporter In Trimounts, there can be extraordinary value in the most ordinary things, Mr. Humus.
Humus Er... you're right! Absolutely. I agree.
Reporter ...Then shouldn't you respect the rights of the patent holder?
Humus I-I've never had to deal with that kind of stuff...
Reporter Would it be correct to assume that you have virtually no understanding of patents because of your years of penal service on the frontier?
Humus I... I mean, I know what they are, at least...
Reporter Then do you mean to say that you do understand patents, but intentionally—
[The reporter gets interrupted by the arrival of a Rhodes Islander.]
Rhodes Island Engineer Excuse me, ma'am, but I have urgent business with this big fellow here.
Reporter Oh... very well.
Humus Should I come back to finish the interview later? I haven't said everything I wanted to.
Rhodes Island Engineer (Whisper) Just go! Don't you understand? She just wants to tear you apart.
Humus It wasn't that bad. It was nothing compared to the sort of stuff you hear all the time on the frontier.
Rhodes Island Engineer You're just... Never mind.
MC Are you Mr. Humus? It's such an honor to meet you. Chris talks about you all the time.
Rhodes Island Engineer Let me introduce you to my university professor. I sent him the files on the stuff you made at Rhodes Island.
Humus A professor? Oh my god, I'm so excited to meet someone so intellectual!
MC No need to be humble, sir. I looked through what Chris sent me, and was amazed at the creativity they demonstrated.
Humus Aw, that was just some scrap I threw together. But you can see my latest stuff at my display.
MC No need to rush, Mr. Humus, I'll be here all day. But there's something I should tell you first.
Humus Well, now you're scaring me. Where I'm from, that's what people say when they're about to deliver bad news.
MC Hahaha, quite the opposite, my friend!
Although there were more than a few rough edges in what I've seen of your work, company management was flabbergasted by some of the optimizations you made.
Humus (Whisper) Flabber-what now...?
Rhodes Island Engineer (Whisper) They were amazed.
Humus Aw, shucks...
MC We've had an eye out for new ways to conserve and recycle resources, and your energy-saving module is precisely what we're looking for.
Humus So you want to...?
MC We want to help you continue to improve the module and apply it to our products. You will, of course, be appropriately compensated. What do you think?
Humus How could I say no to that?! Getting recognized for my work is a dream come true, not to mention you're a friend of Chris.
MC Excellent. I like people who are easy to do business with.
Humus Guess I better jot down all the thoughts and experiences I had on the way. Wouldn't wanna embarrass myself at the presentation, after all.
MC Regarding that... there's another tiny matter I must discuss with you.
Humus I'm all ears!
MC We'd like to ask you to remain behind the scenes, and allow... others to go public with this technology.
Humus But why? I'm the one who made it. Would anyone else even know how to describe it?
MC I'm simply saying it would be announced under somebody else's name. You won't be required to present anything. But don't worry, you will receive full compensation.
Humus But I wanted to talk about my experience inventing it... All the fun stuff that went into it.
MC What I mean is... we would like to separate your identity from your work.
Humus You mean people'll use the stuff I make, but won't know it was me?
MC Does that really matter? You'll have your money.
Rhodes Island Engineer I'm not so sure about this, prof. All the credit would go to the one who lent their name to it.
MC Well, we have to think about the company's image. Mr. Humus's past is a little... complicated, after all.
Humus Hey! What's that supposed to—
Humus raises his voice, as though someone just stepped on his toes.
He then realizes that everyone in the room has their eyes on him.
Seeing everyone keep their distance and avert their gazes, Humus swallows what he was about to say.
Rhodes Island Engineer Don't judge people by their cover, prof. I've spent a lot of time with Humus this past year, and I guarantee you he's not that kind of guy!
Humus Chris...
Rhodes Island Engineer Not to mention he was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit.
Humus (Pats the engineer's shoulder)
Thanks for having my back, bro, but there's no need to get mad. I'm sure your professor didn't mean it like that.
MC Yes, there's no need to get agitated, Chris.
This decision was made out of purely practical considerations. I assure you I have nothing against Mr. Humus himself.
Humus Well, sir, I'm glad you think so highly of my ability, and if you're willing to buy, I'm willing to sell. But there are a lot of folks here. How 'bout we find some time to talk after the exhibition?
MC Certainly. It was a pleasure meeting you. We'll speak later.
[The professor leaves.]
Rhodes Island Engineer Humus...
Humus Thanks, bro. I'll buy you lunch once I've got the cash. Just keep it cheap.
<Background 3>
Humus Hmm... This wasn't what I had in mind when Chris said there'd be free food here.
How am I supposed to fill my belly with snacks the size of my fingernail?
Excuse me, you got any meat?
Exhibition Staff We have meatballs with berry sauce right over there, sir.}
Humus Not that tiny stuff. Anything bigger?
Exhibition Staff I'm sorry, sir, but we're only serving hors d'oeuvre and drinks today.
Humus Hors d'...? N-Never mind.
Well, I guess snacks are better than nothing.
[Humus eats a dessert.]
Humus Mm, this dessert ain't half bad... No wonder the girls always go for sweets when they're in a bad mood.
It really does pick you right up.
[Humus eats a cookie.]
Humus Ooh, this cookie is great! If only it was bigger.
[Humus eats a mini burger.]
Humus And this mini burger... yum!
[Humus eats a cupcake.]
Humus Man, this cupcake is amazing!
Arrogant Exhibition Guest This exhibition is going down the drain. Just look at the riff-raff you're letting in now.
Aloof Exhibition Planner Who might you be referring to?
Arrogant Exhibition Guest That man from the frontier processing station, of course. Who else?
Aloof Exhibition Planner Oh, him... Did you see his display? I was too busy to visit.
Arrogant Exhibition Guest I took a look. All scrap, not even worth my time.
Aloof Exhibition Planner Figured as much, seeing how uncouth he is. Did you hear him yelling earlier? Nearly scared the daylights out of the other guests.
Arrogant Exhibition Guest And look at him now, gorging on appetizers like he hasn't eaten in years.
Humus ......
(Whisper) Don't they even know to keep their voices down when trash talking someone behind their back?
(Whisper) Or I guess they don't even care what I think...
(Whisper) Well, whatever. Food comes first.
[Humus continues eating but stops after noticing the reporter.]
Humus Hey, ain't that the reporter who wanted to interview me? Ma'am? Ma'am?
Looks like she's busy...
Reporter At today's exhibition, the Cole Workshop took home four prizes for innovation and quality.
This bracelet earned particular acclaim, winning Best Product in a unanimous decision.
Now, let us meet the inventor, Mrs. Yuria.
Humus Best Product? This I gotta hear.
What's with all these people? Are they all here to listen, too? Hey, stop pushing!
Reporter Can you tell us more about this bracelet, Mrs. Yuria?
Lanky Inventor Of course. This smart bracelet helps schools and parents keep track of children in real time.
It records various data, including movement, activity, health, and academic performance, etc.
Reporter With all that, parents and teachers could even tell how many times the kids have gone to the bathroom.
Lanky Inventor Precisely.
Reporter That sounds like a wonderful product, helping parents understand what is going on with their child.
Humus Ain't that just a monitoring bracelet?
Reporter So what inspired you to invent this?
Lanky Inventor My own son closed himself off when he entered adolescence, refusing to tell us, his parents, what he was thinking.
So I invented this in order to get to know him better.
Investor The very model of a responsible mother!
Humus ...Responsible? That's just monitoring.
Reporter Are there any other, more general applications for the bracelet?
Lanky Inventor Of course. I have full confidence in that.
Investor I could use that in my office. An employer should know what his employees are up to.
Humus Are you kidding me, sir?
It's just a goddamn monitoring bracelet!
Around Humus, people are talking excitedly about potential applications for the bracelet.
Their discussions drown out his voice.
And any who might have heard him paid no heed.
Humus You...
<Background 4>
Vicious Soldier Get moving, people! Now put these on!
Processing Station Prisoner (Whisper) What are they handing out?
Humus (Whisper) Don't ask me. I was just working when they told me to come here.
Processing Station Prisoner (Whisper) What were you up to this time?
Humus (Whisper) I made a gadget that can adjust how tight the shackles are, to make them a little comfier...
Vicious Soldier Don't even think about running away once you've got these new shackles on. The moment the positioning tracker finds you're outside the station...
Boom! There goes your leg. And don't even think about sabotaging them either, or else... kaboom!
Humus (Whisper) Well, I guess that was a waste of time.
Vicious Soldier You dirtbags just keep your heads down and work your asses off. Don't even dream of slacking off either, 'cause these new shackles are gonna know.
Humus You're even putting those on a kid that young?
Vicious Soldier Shut your trap!
[The soldier hits Humus with an electrically charged weapon.]
Humus Ouch... This thing sure delivers a hella nasty electric shock...
Skinny Boy Let's just go, mister. Don't say anything else.
Humus Who are you calling mister? I'm not even twenty. The name's Humus.
Skinny Boy Humus...
Humus Don't you worry, I've got your back in this here station. I'm not letting any of the big guys bully you.
But shit, they're sending kids like you here now?
Skinny Boy Thanks, Humus.
Humus So how'd you end up here at your age?
Skinny Boy Mom stole food and got caught...
But my little brother and sister need her... so I volunteered...
Humus Well... let's get going. I'll have old Lippi arrange a bed for you. Can't have a kid like you sleeping on cardboard boxes like the rest of us dumbasses.
<Background 5>
Humus Man, I had to wait an hour for the guards to get off work.
Lemme check...
[Humus checks a note with directions]
Humus Yup, here it is.
[Humus observes the building and entrance.]
Humus Just a normal warehouse? Wasn't this place supposed to be cutting edge? No fingerprint lock, no password? All you need is a card.
Well, I should thank that dude for 'sharing' it. Hope he won't miss it much.
[Humus unlocks the door with the card.]
Humus Now it's my turn.
<Background 6>
Humus Goddamn, are they even gonna have time to hand out all these awards at tomorrow's ceremony?
Most Innovative, Most Disruptive, Top 10 Hardcore Tech... ah, Best Product.
Let's see what's inside this baby...
[Humus takes a bracelet from a shelf.]
Humus Knew it. Almost the exact same thing as the shackles I used to wear.
These people are outta their minds. They're gonna starting treating innocent kids like criminals now?
Not on my watch.
[Humus begins to work on the bracelet.]
Under the dim moonlight, Humus reassembles the bracelet, then takes out an identical bracelet from his pocket.
The cold glint of metal stings his eyes.
He fiddles with the bracelets before putting one of them back on the shelf, and the other underneath it.
He looks to the sides and nods once satisfied that the bracelet underneath cannot be easily spotted. And then sighs.
Humus ......
How could they treat innocent people like criminals?
<Background 1>
[A crowd cheers while the ceremony is in progress.]
Humus *Yawn* Did the awards ceremony have to be so early in the morning?
Rhodes Island Engineer Well, I got you an appointment with another big shot who's also interested in your energy-saving module, and this guy has a reputation for being easy-going.
MC Now, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of the Best Product award.
Humus (Sits up straight) Mm...
Rhodes Island Engineer What's that? You sure woke up in a hurry.
Humus Shh, don't talk while they're talking!
MC Mrs. Yuria, could you please step up and demonstrate your smart bracelet?
Lanky Inventor With all the distinguished inventors present, I'd be honored to.
Humus Yeesh, why there gotta be so many people in front?
Lanky Inventor As you can see, we've gone with a minimalist style, despite the rich functionality of the product.
The goal is to reduce extraneous steps and allow for intuitive operation.
Humus (Whisper) Come on, talk about that little button!
Lanky Inventor All it takes is the press of a button to open it...
Humus (Whisper) Just press it already...
Lanky Inventor Hm? It's not responding...
Humus Whoops, forgot it always takes a little smack to get my stuff working...
Lanky Inventor Maybe it ran out of batteries. Let me find my charging cord...
The woman tosses the bracelet onto the table and reaches into her bag for a cord, only to see the bracelet begin to bounce on the table.
Before she can react, it flies into the air and starts spraying colorful sparks in all directions.
The audience looks on, dumbfounded, as the bracelet continues to spin in the air and spit out fireworks.
Humus (Whisper) Come on, don't just watch...
Humus reaches into his pocket and pushes the remote control's slider up to max.
Orchestral music begins to play from the bracelet, and soon the hall is filled with a soaring soprano solo.
The members of the audience look at each other incredulously.
Lanky Inventor This isn't right... what's going on?
Humus Yeah, that's not right... it's one of those hoity-toity songs Czerny recommended.
That's no good at all. Should be something funner.
Humus presses a button on his remote control.
The orchestra stops, replaced by a lively electronic dance tune.
♪Wave your left hand, hey, left hand♪
♪If you're feelin' the joy today♪
♪Shake your right foot, oh, right foot♪
♪Get drunk on this beautiful night♪
[As the bracelet goes out of control, the audience is in complete chaos. Meanwhile, security members are making their way to the stage.]
MC Security! Grab that bracelet! What is the meaning of this, Mrs. Yuria?
Lanky Inventor I-I have no idea!
Eek! It's flying towards me! Security!
MC Just stay put! It's not moving! Hey! Hey!
[The professor and inventor desperately try to evade the flying bracelet.]
Humus Hehe...
Rhodes Island Engineer What's so funny?
Humus Look at all this chaos. Ain't it hilarious?
Rhodes Island Engineer Well gee, I wonder whose fault this could be...?
Humus Haha, yeah... me too.
Rhodes Island Engineer Still...
Humus What is it?
Rhodes Island Engineer While I can't say which of my coworkers did this, I can say that his taste in music is...
Humus Top notch?
Rhodes Island Engineer Abysmal!